You know that thing where you look at the internals of your own life and see the things you’d like to change? You see your weak spots, the habits you’re having trouble shifting. Then you look at the externals of other people’s lives and think they have it all together, and are “better than you” somehow? And you feel inadequate.
You know that thing where you think, “Who am I to be blogging?”
This week I found out that someone has been feeling intimidated by me. After just about spitting out my coffee, I recovered enough to feel a mixture of incredulity, inadequacy, and surprise. I mean, seriously, does she know me at all? I am not even close to being a perfect parent (and such a thing doesn’t exist, anyway), nor am I the most incredible unschooling mum in the world! << Not that I was thinking she was thinking those things!
The reality is, when you write on a blog, or run Facebook groups, people can sometimes perceive something that is only part of the picture. They are looking at your outsides, and you are looking at your insides.
So here I am to tell you:
I sometimes lose my patience with my kids
I sometimes feel disappointed at their choices
I don’t always give them the attention they need
I am better at ideas than I am at results
I sometimes forget to act on my “yes”
I would like to spend more time with my kids and less time with my computer
I am not always fully present when one of my children is talking to me
Our life isn’t all “adventures” ; it is often “ordinary” days
But then, at the end of the day, I remember some of the things my kids have said to me that make everything okay, and remind me of the bigger picture. Things like:
I am so glad you’re my Mum
You would go to the ends of the earth for me
I’m SO glad I’m homeschooled
And I remember that we don’t have to be perfect. If my children feel loved, if they know that I’ve got their back, if they know that I am absolutely there for them no matter what, then all is well.
Thinking this through brings me back to the blogging question. I was honestly thinking, for no particular reason, that perhaps I should shut this site down. I mean, does anyone really care about what we do? Is it worth documenting it here? Shouldn’t I be “perfect” before I write anything that might be perceived as advice? Why do I even do this? I mean, I know I *like* writing, but I was wondering what the underlying purpose of it might be?
So I Googled “Why do people blog?” and I found a fantastically inspirational article that is totally helping me to get my mojo back. 🙂
And so I return to blogging, to sharing some of my thoughts and some of our adventures, not because I’m perfect, but because my heart is filled with passion to share what I love and what we do. Because I have too many thoughts and words for my head to contain, and writing here seems to be as good a place as any for those thoughts and words to spill over. Because it is a really excellent way for me to reflect on life and learning, to process my thoughts, and to – hopefully – inspire one or two other people along the way.